That voice is not the words I wanted to speak

Sometimes I feel like we have a pre-programmed response to everything. Like you have shaped your story over many many many times of telling it.  Examining how other people respond to it, how interested they might seem, their preconceived notions.  Then you automatically respond to a situation, question, or introduction without even thinking.  Then you wish that you had something original to say to that person. You feel guilty for just spewing the pre-programmed crap that society has made you say.  Sometimes you don't even feel that way anymore but, you are just so used to saying it that you can't help yourself.  People judge you on what you say and how you react. Shit, you judge other people on what they say and how they react.  I tend to live in my head and I have the most logical, eloquent, well thought out ideas, thoughts, questions, etc. but, when I go to speak them they just turn to mush and somewhat bland. It is really sad.  Maybe that is why people like social media so much.  Because you can just say something without having to speak it. You can choose not to respond to something or you can think about it longer trying to decide how you really want to react instead of your pre-programmed voice. Or maybe we will never truly get to know anyone else, unless we also lived in their heads.