Home

Lately, I have been thinking what does home mean?  I have had a few homes in my life and at the moment they were home and I felt their comfort they allowed me.  But, at this moment in time I feel as if I am lost and searching for a home which I am not sure exists anymore.  Can you go back to the place that was once your home and expect it to feel like your home?  Can you go back to your childhood home and expect to feel the same comfort and attachment as you once did?  Was it the walls and the roof that brought that comfort?  Was it the memories and the times you had in that place? Or was it even the place at all?  When I am in the mountains I feel at home but I am not confined to a structure.  I feel at home when I am staring at the ocean but there is no carpet just sand. There is not roof just sky.  I feel at home when I am sitting around a fire in the middle of the woods with my closest friends.  I feel at home when I am talking about the reason why we are alive in a bar.  I feel at home when I can cry on my friend's shoulder on her couch.  I feel most at home when I am smiling and laughing with my family sitting on the porch.  But, for some reason I do not feel at home here.  I feel lost and disconnected.  I feel a million miles from where I am suppose to be.  I am in a haze and do not know how to clear the fog away.  I do not know how to make the home feeling when I am all alone. I guess being alone is my opposite of home.  I am away. I feel as if my response to everything should be, "I am not home at the moment. I have stepped away".